So I didn't get much sleep last night had an awful headache, I woke up feeling like I was being choked it hurt so bad. Prayed so hard to be released from that awful pain. I also had an awful awful dream. One of those dreams; I've been praying I wouldn't think of again. Just awful. Because of this bad night I've been extra sensitive today. On edge. I'm sick of people telling me what i need to do and what i should do; however those people are not a single WORKING mom of 3 kids plus 1 for the summer. They think it's just as easy doing as it is saying. I don't have endless time on my hands. I am always in a rush always late always behind. Everyone knows how hard it is when you have a spouse or at least another adult in the house. It is only me. I have to do it all. I'm surprised and (so thankful it didn't) that my van didn't blow up. It had no engine coolant in it. Those are the thing i forget and wish i didn't have to worry about. Wish I had a husband for.
Not saying I'm not capable just saying it would be nice to not have to think of everything. And even better to not to forget everything. I get tired of being the only adult and having to fuss and repeat what I say over and over to my kids, "it time to settle down it's late it's bed time." I going from the time i get up around 630ish until after 10pm. almost daily. Sleeping in on the weekend is 7 a.m. God you know my struggles; I understand your test; but Lord I am so tired; I wish and pray for peace. Please Lord bless me with a friendship built on your words. Thank you for all you do and all that is yet to come.
On another note I didn't let it get to me for long; I went to my work out and it felt great I needed that and was so glad to have gone. Just over a month ago I would have just eaten a bag of chips and 20 oz coke zero or McDonald's.
I was reading another blogger site on weigh loss; she lost 130lbs so amazing and she talked about the things she missed about being fat; I don't believe I will miss anything. I already don't miss being too tired to play with my son; I don't miss laying on the sofa all Sunday afternoon; and I don't miss McDonald's. I do look forward to buying a pretty bra that truly fits me; skinny jeans, calf length boots, and most of all my kids being proud of me. NOT SECRETLY EMBARRASSED. I look forward to really looking in the mirror and seeing hard work, and God's real design for me. I look forward to thriving. I feel if i can do this I will be strong enough to all the other things that fear keeps be from doing. It's only possible with the LORD on my side. I know he is there.
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