I've been disappointed and busy.

I haven't been updating my progress liked I'd hoped to; but considering I haven't had much you didn’t miss anything. I feel a change is really coming. God had blessed me with some many wonderful ideas but I can't see them though just yet. I know things are starting to look up. I'm still working really hard to loss this weight and I've added more work outs but I still can't get the clean eating under control. I have a few really good days and then really bad days. Finances play a huge roll in eating right and planning. I’m just going to continue to do the best I can until the change comes and things will be easier. All my plans and ideas will come together and things will work out I just feel it. One of the changes is having a friend now at my work out classes that gives me a lot of advice; she has lost over 80lbs and looks amazing. It helps to have someone to encourage you.

10 Things Not to Say to Your KidsThe Kid Counselor ™ | The Kid Counselor ™

10 Things Not to Say to Your KidsThe Kid Counselor ™ | The Kid Counselor ™

Splenda Interview with expert Michelle LeSueur- Energetic Practioner & N...

Jaycee Dugard Interview with Diane Sawyer; Her Future After Surviving Philip Garrido - ABC News

Jaycee Dugard Interview with Diane Sawyer; Her Future After Surviving Philip Garrido - ABC News

A few things

                                    What’s for dinner?

I have a few things to share; so I’ve been hearing all about Quinoa.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quinoa  I had never heard of it before and it was on sale at Acme in the organic section of the store. I wanted to try it out and my darling kids wanted chicken alfredo for dinner. I didn’t want anything to do with the alfredo or the pasta. So I bought the Quinoa.

I already had mushrooms and have been trying to cook veggie into everything I make so I heated them up with garlic cloves and olive oil, set them aside and then cooked up some chicken breast. I needed some broth for the Quinoa so I added low sodium organic chicken stock just a little (gave the rest to my dog for a treat) it helped more then I expected since I only had one jar of alfredo for the kids. I set enough of the chicken and broth aside for myself and continued to make theirs.

I know what you are thinking I should have just feed them what I was eating; but everyone knows how hard it is to change things for kids. So I want to start slow with them. The important stuff first, no more fast food, lots less sugary things, no more soda. I will slowly introduce them to more healthy foods. I don’t want them to be resentful and want to make this change smooth so they will stick to it as adults. They shouldn’t be punished nor should we fight because I allowed bad habits to start. 

I feed them their Chicken alfredo with mushrooms, spinach and bow tie paste with fresh tomato chucks on top. I ate all that with out the alfredo sauce and with Quinoa instead. It was super good. It feels like rice and tastes kinda like rice and a noodle. I didn’t miss having the pasta at all. It’s going to be a staple in my cabinet for now on.

EXERCISING

                       

As far as exercising I’m still so in love with Body Pump; I have been going two days and week and this week will be going three. On the opposite days I jog on the treadmill. I'm still at 2 miles in >30 minutes. My goal by September is 3 miles for the 5k I want to run. http://www.run4shelter.net/index.php So I am exercising everyday. I am considering adding in an hour of WII active in the am. I’m not getting the results I want; no movement on the scale. I know it’s not about that but I feel that if I lost pounds running would get easier.

Only time will tell; one day at a time!

IT'S BEEN A WHILE

Sorry it has been a long while; I have missed you. Things have been super crazy a lot going on. Some day maybe I will be able to write about it. But today I'm just going to fuss my self out a little. I
haven't worked out in days and feel LIKE crap. I need to get myself together. This should be an example of how working out and eating heathly makes me feel so much better and should be #1 priority in my life. With that being said though; I'm still making excuses. I have so many #1 priorities. My job, my kids, my housework, my projects, my mom, my bills, my pinterest addiction. I truly need an intervention. HELP ME PLEASE

I feel myself weakening and my gut full with junk. It started 4th of July with a movie and a bag of popcorn later, then ice cream and a hot dog. And soda soda soda.  I haven't ate like that in months. So disappointed in myself. It didn't stop there 4 days later my amazing son's third birthday. Crabs, hot dogs, burgers, cake, ice cream AND of course more soda.  Now I didn't eat all of that; however I did have my fair share. I'm lucky I didn't gain any LB's back. I truly hope for my sake this is a wake up call for myself to get it together.
'' GET IT TOGETHER"


I found this website yesterday( yes on pinterest) http://muffin-topless.com/ that has a list of groceries we should buy and how many of each we should eat. It is very simple. So MY plan is to make a list for a week to include BRKFST, LUNCH, DINNER and TWO SNACKS. If I can manage the week I will do a two week plan; so on. I really need to get this into gear.


My goal is to loss 60lbs by Christmas. Wish me luck.

I will you luck GF; you can do it you are stronger then you think.

Ps I won two tickets to the DC festival


Psalm 28:7
The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

http://muffin-topless.com/2012/06/23/healthy-eating-grocery-list/

I LOVE

Who would have thought me loving to run. Me with a 42DD chest size and needing to lose 80-90 lbs?  I finished a mile in fewer than 15 mins.  I raaaannnn a mile!!!!!  I was so excited I could hardly hold in my emotions. Not that anyone would of heard me with their ear buds stuff in there ears. I don’t run with one. Just my thoughts, racing around in my head as fast as my feet are running.

I love seeing my reflection of my ponytail swooshing behind my head

I love my muscles flexing

I love my grass stained shoes running under me and seeing them coming out from under my chest.

I love feeling my bones.

I love that my ring is getting to big.

I love that my mind is more powerful then my body and can convince it to go faster, and left one more weight.

I love feeling the sweat dripping down my neck and face.

I love going into an air conditioned room when I’m covered in sweat.

I’m looking forward  to being really hugged and lifted off the ground.

I’m looking forward to making love 80lbs lighter.

I’m looking forward to running a 5k instead of walking; then a 10k; then half marathon.

I don't feel well today. Had another head ache. I didn't eat a big breakfast today like I have been. I need to plan better for foods to last longer. My kids would eat every single fruit I buy within hours of returning from the grocery store. It's just proved to me how important eating breakfast is. I'm looking forward to bodypump at the Ymca. I'm losing pounds and can't wait until it's enough to buy know clothes.

A little bit of everything

So I didn't get much sleep last night had an awful headache, I woke up feeling like I was being choked it hurt so bad. Prayed so hard to be released from that awful pain. I also had an awful awful dream. One of those dreams; I've been praying I wouldn't think of again. Just awful. Because of this bad night I've been extra sensitive today. On edge. I'm sick of people telling me what i need to do and what i should do; however those people are not a single WORKING mom of 3 kids plus 1 for the summer. They think it's just as easy doing as it is saying. I don't have endless time on my hands. I am always in a rush always late always behind. Everyone knows how hard it is when you have a spouse or at least another adult in the house. It is only me. I have to do it all. I'm surprised and (so thankful it didn't) that my van didn't blow up. It had no engine coolant in it. Those are the thing i forget and wish i didn't have to worry about. Wish I had a husband for.

 Not saying I'm not capable just saying it would be nice to not have to think of everything. And even better to not to forget everything. I get tired of being the only adult and having to fuss and repeat what I say over and over to my kids, "it time to settle down it's late it's bed time." I going from the time i get up around 630ish until after 10pm. almost daily. Sleeping in on the weekend is 7 a.m.  God you know my struggles; I understand your test; but Lord I am so tired; I wish and pray for peace. Please Lord bless me with a friendship built on your words. Thank you for all you do and all that is yet to come.

On another note I didn't let it get to me for long;  I went to my work out and it felt great I needed that and was so glad to have gone. Just over a month ago I would have just eaten a bag of chips and 20 oz coke zero or McDonald's. 

I was reading another blogger site on weigh loss; she lost 130lbs so amazing and she talked about the things she missed about being fat; I don't believe I will miss anything. I already don't miss being too tired to play with my son; I don't miss laying on the sofa all Sunday afternoon; and I don't miss McDonald's. I do look forward to buying a pretty bra that truly fits me; skinny jeans, calf length boots, and most of all my kids being proud of me. NOT SECRETLY EMBARRASSED.  I look forward to really looking in the mirror and seeing hard work, and God's real design for me. I look forward to thriving. I feel if i can do this I will be strong enough to all the other things that fear keeps be from doing. It's only possible with the LORD on my side. I know he is there.

Crazy Week

This week has been really tough. Very stressful and hard to stay healthy and to exercise. I've been looking at a lot of sights and learning a lot. I want to try to start eating a clean diet, it would be to hard for the summer since I have planted my own garden. It is pretty nice for someone that doesn't really know a whole lot about gardening. Just very fond memories of gardening with my dad when I was a kid. Really miss my big Pops. I've only lost a pound this last week. I will accept that. I tried body pump last night and really loved it. I was pushed; and didn't stop. I'm surprised I'm not more sore. Everyone told me I would be. My knee is a little bit. I have a torn ligament. Doc says not bad enough for surgery. Just got to get going. Do giving up.

More on my weight loss

I've steady been working out but didn't loss any weight in the month of May. I know a friend who has lost a lot and had really built some muscle he is his like Caption America. LOL So i asked him if he had any idea. And lucky me he is going to help me. He told me to write now everything I eat and my work out so he can advise me on what to change. I'm so thankful.

Cleaning the oven the easy way!!!

So I've tried some things i saw on pinterest.com
I'm sad to say this was my oven and i needed to clean it so i gave it a shot.

Use a small amount of baking soda, around a cup;just enough to cover the oven door; add enough water to make it a little runny, rub it all over the oven door; I didnt try it inside the over but I'm sure it will work.

Let is sit for 20 minutes or longer, depending on how bad it is. Now I didn't read this  next part on Pinterest but why not try it I use it to clean everything else. I heated up a 1/2 cup of vinegar, poured it on the oven door and WOW I have a hand held streamer and it didn't do this good of a job nor was it so easy. You have to try this and I'm sure this would clean a BBQ this good too.

Amazing Weekend

So Sorry it hasn't taken me to long to post this. I have an good weekend. It was super needed. We've been stressing out, since my DD's father hasn't paid child support since January. However we were blessed and given $100.00 in gift cards so we could do some shopping. I really planned and budgeted so it would last. Amce had an awesome buy one get one free (BOGO) sale. I also used coupons and saved over $107.46. It felt so great. We cleaned up the house a little, and I packed us a great lunch, and took the little 1's to Wye Island trails. They had a great time, it was so funny, they never walked in the woods before. My 6yr old said I think there are monkeys in here, and just as I say no there isn't a bird makes this crazy noise and if you didn't know better would think it was a monkey. Besides the crazy bad ticks the woods were so beautiful. We picked out shapes in the trees, and looked for flowers. They really loved walking on the fallen trees. There were afraid at first, but felt better as the hike/walk went on. I loved the time with them. We were on a quest part of the Maryland Park Quest, however we couldn't find what we were looking for so my DD says; we should of brought A1 she would of found it. She is the smartest. So love when they talk nice about each other.

http://www.dnr.state.md.us/parkquest/index.asp Photos of WYE ISLAND.

Need a Miracle

The water is so black, the waves crashing against me, hitting the rocks under me over and over I feel like I am drowning, I'm tired and want to give up.  I pray Jesus will reach down his hand and left me out of the black water; that will mean my earthly body has drown. I start to float and feel better, I realize it is Jesus he is holding me up, carrying me. I have no strength of my own, only with His help can I make it.

I have so much going on so much, I need I pray I beg for total transformation, it requires a miracle.

So difficult being alone

Most single parents have help, their parents, siblings etc. I don't I lost my dad in 96 and I help my mom. Don't get me wrong she does help, she needed help with money so I pay her to watch my kids when I'm working. So I don't dare ask her to watch them when I'm off work. The girls dad hasnt seen them twice in two months. I just feel tired of caring all the responsibility, and no one to discuss it with. NO opinion no back up no cheering me on. Just totally alone. I've reached out several times to my friends to no avail. Not sure what is going on with that.  Everyone is so busy with their own struggles. But it would be nice to have a girls night out, just for a few hours to forget about all my struggles.

Last night was so tough, again. Like most nights. I get off at 5:00 usually don't get out of the office until 5:10 and depending on traffic will be home in 15mins. I pick up my oldest and drive another 15mins to get my youngest two. I think about them all day, and wish and pray things could change so I could be home with them. I think about all the things I miss out, giving them a great lunch, playing, learning and teaching, helping my 6yrs old with homework. All day I miss them so much.

It's 5:45 I get there to pick them up; they don't miss me as much as I missed them. My 6yrs old is tired from a day of field day at school and is uncooperative,winy and hungry. My 2 yr old refuses to get in his car seat, saying he's a big boy and doesn't need it.  I'd forgotten my mom asked me to take her to the store, she doesn't drive. We all go to the store a very busy 2yr old, a tired 6 yr old, and 14 yr old that wont stop text to look where she is going and my mom and I. Thankfully the store wasn't busy and she just got a few things. But in that short bit of time I think i heard can you buy me this at least 3 times from each child, and leave me alone, stop touching me, go away a thousand times. The little ones were arguing. My son wanted a hug from my winy and tired 6yrs old. We finally get home at 6:30 I cook dinner, sirloin tip, sweet potatoes and broc. NO ONE comes to the table, at least one child took a turn telling what they didn't like on their plate. In my head I heard " Thanks mom, you are the best cook ever. We will eat it all and help you clean up afterward so you can rest. We love you"  I don't know if i even tasted it, but it looked pretty on the plate. I managed to fit in baths and a load of laundry and was finally able to sit and watch SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE at 9p.m. CRIED SEVERAL TIMES.  so tired So tired. I love my kids, I wish they missed me and looked forward to seeing me as much as I do for them. My highlight of the night was when my 2yr son, was playing climbed under my shirt with his head out the top and feel asleep like that.

As I'm venting in this blog my poor oldest DD is texting me how much she dislikes her Dad, because he wont help us and stopped paying child support. I feel so bad for her and don't know how to help her and ease her pain. I wish i could do so much over again. I didn't set out for our life to be this way and I question God daily what is his plan for our life. I cant keep this up that's for sure. This day is just a bad one, i dont always feel this way. I'm looking forward to the three day weekend and a trip to the park for Park Quest.


Wish I  had that village today.

Weight Loss Journey

I’ve been overweight for about 15 years, and have been struggling back in forth for years at my highest I was 245 and am 5 6’. I was rolling bladeing at park my right ankle snapped, I was 19 and had to have 6 screws placed in it. To this day it still hurts.

Thankfully the awesome YMCA and the Open Door Policy, our family was given a membership at a reasonable price we could afford. .I’ve been almost everyday since May 5^th, and have lost 3 lbs. I also do Zumba two evenings a week.

Today I was having a hard day, feeling sorry for myself, tired of the same old mistakes, praying something will change. I didn’t feel much like going but I didn’t have an excuse not to go. I always bring my clothes with me. So I went and I was able to run for 18 entire minutes without stopping and walked the rest of 30 mins. I realized I really liked running after my first 5k.  For you athletes this may not be huge, but for me it was. I had this giant smile across my face. This is big for someone that has to loss 80lbs. I was so excited, and I felt great afterward.

http://www.talbotymca.org/

Police Search for Wanted Sex Offender - WBOC-TV 16, Delmarvas News Leader, FOX 21 -

Police Search for Wanted Sex Offender - WBOC-TV 16, Delmarvas News Leader, FOX 21 -

Intro

So I wanted to start this blog to give and get advice on all things related to being a single parent, or just anyone really. I have failed to connect with people for some unknown reason. I've offend wondered if people can see the black cloud that hovers over me and they are afraid it's full of acid rain that will fall on them. My short life of 35 years consists of so many life changing things. As I post I will slowly add things in about my life that i struggle with on a daily basis. They are about the loss of family members, sexual abuse, relationship troubles, struggles with my faith, teenage daughter issues, etc.
I hope this will show we are not alone in our life-ly battles and we can help each other with kind words of encouragement, advice,and/or just a little prayer. Please no negativity. There is plenty of that already.  

I will add all kinds of things to the site, kind of a one stop shop as it pertains to me each day or I think it may help my followers. I'm really new at this so please be patient. I'm hoping this will be a great safe healthy outlet for me and hopefully for you, too. 
Thanks for checking out my page.